Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Wife Test: Good Health

When the words “ . . . in sickness and in health . . .” flow past your ears during your wedding ceremony is usually not the best time to start considering vetting the health of the woman you've chosen to commit to. Indeed, most men don’t consider that fact at all (being blinded by love and frequent poon tang) when they are considering a good wife, and many times this neglect comes back to bite them in the ass like a rabid hooker.

“Good Health” is a misnomer.  Everyone has issues, and they only get worse as we age.  Women have a whole host of physical issues that most men cannot even imagine.  It is man’s lot to live, age, and die, and getting sick happens an awful lot.  It happens to just about everyone, eventually.

But when I speak of “good health”, I’m speaking here of three things in particular than any prospective bride should be vetted upon.  The first is Health History.  The second is Health Lifestyle.  The third is Health Habits.

Family Health History

No one can choose their ancestors, but the sad fact is our genetics portend a profound amount of information about our health, and knowing what your potential wife’s ancestral health history looks like can be instructional.  Is there a history of recent cancers or other diseases in her family line?  Do her relatives tend to drop dead of heart attacks in their 50s?

If you are considering children, knowing about her family’s reproductive health is likewise an important point. A close history of miscarriages, infertility, or other issues should be discovered, if it exists, and disorders such as PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and various dysmorphic disorders should also be discussed.

None of these should necessarily be exclusionary issues; Mrs. Ironwood had far from a clean bill of health when I met her.  Indeed, she had been clinically dead once, had suffered from alcohol poisoning (ah, youth!), electrocuted, and has horrible allergies to this day.  But once I understood the nature of her various hereditary illnesses and ailments, I was able to balance these against her other exceptional qualities and make an informed decision.

Of course, along with this family health history, her personal health history should be evaluated.  Childhood illnesses? Allergies?  Asthma?  Bleeding disorders?  Everything is on the table.  Of course you have a duty to disclose your own health history in turn, as honestly as you expect her to.

And of course this is where the subject of her sexual history becomes legitimate fair game.  If she's being coy about her Number with you before now, this is an excellent place to ask for an honest answer . . . and watch for any equivocation.  Some women, of course, will say that their number is personal, and nobody's business but theirs.  They are correct.  If they are not willing to share that information with you, you should be equally willing to withhold any tangible signs of commitment from you on the same principal.  Either she's willing to be considered to be your wife, in which case her actual Number should be known, or she's not a serious candidate and just wants the attention . . . or is ashamed of her behavior.  Either case will be instructive.

Women without exceptional qualities that still bring this kind of health baggage?  Hit next.

Your girlfriend or perspective bride may balk at sharing such intimate family matters . . . but considering that you are evaluating whether or not to make her a part of your family negates this argument.  If she isn't willing to be as open, honest, and forthcoming about her family’s medical history, you might just want to wait before setting a date.  Such reluctance usually indicates that there is something to hide.

Health Lifestyle

Of course in addition to a full health workup, you should consider evaluating your woman’s approach to her healthy lifestyle.  Many young women parrot ideas about healthy living, and follow faddish ideas of diet and exercise, while finding plenty of rationalizations about why they are the exception to the usual rules of physiology.  Girls on "good date" behavior don't want you to know about their allergy to the gym or their dependence on potato chips - but what does she do when you aren't watching?  Poor diet, exercise, and lifestyle habits are hard to hide under scrutiny, however; her bad habits will reveal themselves soon enough.

In particular, evaluate how regularly she exercises and whether she sees it as a chore, a release, a duty, or a responsibility . . . or an excuse to get trendy workout clothes.  Does she manage her diet effectively, or is she a carboholic?  Fast food or fresh food?   Do you see her “splurging” more often than eating sensibly?  Does she pay attention to her nutrition, as well as her diet?  Is she an athelete?  Active?  Willing to go for a walk or a bike ride?  Or do "long walks on the beach" mean a quarter-mile hike down to the boardwalk bar . . . and taking a pedicab back?

Family culture plays a large role in this.  If her family is active, she will likely stay active . . . and either she is from an active family that supported and celebrated a good healthy lifestyle, or she has room for improvement.  Poor lifestyle choices don't necessarily exclude a woman from being a good wife, but they don't work for her, either.

Health Habits

And finally, a prospective bride’s apparent health is just as important as her actual health.  Women who complain about “feeling ill” or “being sick” or “having headaches” frequently or periodically may or may not have actual illnesses, but the pattern of "sickly" behavior is far more instructive about her character than the actual ailment.  One of my ex-girlfriend’s had a chronic case of illnesses associated with Monday mornings, for instance, and another seemed to develop migraines every time it was time to go do something fun I liked but she didn't.  Mrs. Ironwood, on the other hand, braved a 101 degree fever and nausea to accompany me to a function she knew I thought was worthwhile.

Illness has been seen as the refuge of the feminine sex to avoid social awkwardness or to manipulate social and personal situations for thousands of years.  The best check of this factor is to see how many sick days she takes, how quickly she recovers, and how often she uses her health as an excuse.  All too many women know the common masculine weakness for feminine vulnerability, and will play on that and sympathy to gain attention from men through their illness.

One unfortunate relative of mine responds to this apparent demonstration of sickness and weakness as alluring vulnerability, and as such has locked himself into miserable relationships with sickly women for years. While I’m sure he finds some sense of fulfillment in being their perpetual crutch (and eventual whipping boy), a thorough and comprehensive screening for good health would have prevented decades of misery in their service.

Unfortunately, “sick” women get attention for their illness, both from friends and family and from the medical profession, and when they cannot find any other way to draw it they will use their apparent vulnerability to emotionally control the men in their lives.  Women who cavalierly use their health as a weapon in a relationship are just as damnable to a man as women who use sex as a weapon.  More so: sexual deprivation usually only affects a husband, while feigned or exaggerated illness can affect entire families.

A good health history, a healthy lifestyle, and a reasonable approach to their own health is highly recommended in any woman you may consider making a commitment to.   Any serious red flags in that area should at least be evaluated, and while only time will tell if she is as committed to healthy living as she says she is, it’s hard to fake being healthy for any decent length of time.

And if a woman is deceitful about her health or her health history . . . that should be instructive, too.  Remember fellas, marriage licenses don’t come with warranties.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Anatomy Of A Darn Good Personal Ad

Ladies, if you're wondering why your online dating ads aren't getting any traction, perhaps it's because you are a) unrealistic and b) unwilling to "settle" for less than you are "worth".

When the Wall finally does smack you in the ass in a way you cannot ignore, Nature will decide which of you are pragmatic enough to re-frame your idea of Happily Ever After (HEA).  Case in point is this gem I found locally.  This is adept Girl Game, Single Girl Edition.  Her ad is short, sweet, to-the-point, and is awash with refreshing candor:

Creative Glamour Girl Seeks Hot Nerd 
age : 30I have many fancy degrees in the artistic / liberal arts field. In other words, I am a low paid individual with not a very bright future on my own. 
I am seeking a boyfriend who can provide stability. I can plan and carry out dinner parties for your friends and family, escort you to events, provide sex, cooking and other domestic chores. And maybe even needlepoint a pillow for your mom. 
I am white, 5'4, in shape. Only interested in attractive white men under 40 who are in shape and disease-free.

Why is this ad so effective?  First, she introduces the fact that she has a) a liberal arts education and b) a low paying job.  Then she dismisses all of her career accomplishments, an unusual and refreshing tactic, to focus on her vulnerability and growing desperation.  She adds "not a very bright future", the implication being she needs help. Damsel in distress, sure, but she's doing something about it.  

But instead of wildly demanding a list of what she expects in a man and a relationship, she humbly and forthrightly lists the feminine comforts and advantages she would bring to the table.  Not her degree, not her job title, not her romantic nature and predilection for long walks on the beach, she keeps it short, sweet, and simple.  

She's not even looking for a husband or "that certain special someone" - she understands the commitment issues most men have, and doesn't push for anything beyond "boyfriend".  That's not scary to an average man, but it's also not going to cause a serious minded individual from excluding her.  She's clearly looking for a long term relationship, but she's not demanding one.  All she wants is stability.

Then she lays out what she's willing to do, what she brings to the table:

Party planning and entertainment (social augmentation, important for nerds)
Sex (she lays it out there right up front, no equivocation about "if things feel right")
Cooking (!)
Other Domestic Chores

. . . and then the "needlepoint a pillow for your mom" puts her in the Very Special Category.  She understands family, she understands filial obligation, and she understands how a man's relationship with his mother presages his relationship with his wife.  And she's willing to facilitate that, if not cater to it.  That's Future Wife Gold, there, fellas.

She could have said a lot of other things, elaborated on what she wanted or what else she could bring, but she clearly understands what her future holds without the rose-covered glasses feminism hands out.  She's ready to plant a flag, and while she's clearly looking for a good Beta, she also presents herself as a woman who might be worthy of the reward of stability for her candor.

 But everyone should take a lesson from this: femininity attracts masculinity.  Period.  I don't care if this woman is overweight and $50k in debt, this ad alone demonstrates that she's got the kind of pragmatic character and social adpetness that could propel a good nerd far.  While there are no guarantees, and I haven't seen the fine print, she's at least worthy of consideration if you're the kind of man looking to settle down.

Interested parties contact me, I'll put you in touch. She wants a face pic and a little about yourself.  She lives in the central North Carolina region.  If she's a real local (I don't know yet) she could be a real Southern Belle prize for a lucky Red Pill dude.  I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Misandrist Cyber-Stalking:

[Edited for corrections, below]
[Edited again, just for giggles]

Sorry for the long delay between posts.  I've been busy writing, working, and doing some rewarding fieldwork.

A reader kindly alerted me to this new development in Combat Dating: a rating service for men, based on the aggregate perceptions of the women they've dated.  It's called onLulu, and it's touted as a kind of "internet security" site that allows women to discover the hidden secrets of the men they date before they get too involved.  Seems reasonable enough in our crazy internet-driven world . . .

But Ian, I hear you ask, isn't this just an insidious tool of misandry, an opportunity to expand the already-rampant pre-date cyberstalking today's women indulge in so gleefully?

Good observation.  Because yes, this is precisely what Lulu is.  

As with most feminist-inspired ways of "protecting" women, not only is this a blatant attempt to manipulate the dating pool and a method of information-sharing across the Female Social Matrix (FSM), it's also a clandestine method of eliminating or stifling competition for a scarce resource (datable males).

[Corrected from earlier version] The really awful thing about this is that dudes sign themselves up for the service, ostensibly so they can tout their great reviews to future dates.  Of course, that's not what the women are looking for, they want reasons to REJECT a dude, so any man who succumbs to the idea that he's so darn great that his exes will praise him effusively is really crapping in his own hat.  His dissatisfied dates can pepper him with hashtags to promote or trash him, giving their highly subjective opinion.  Think of it as a way for all of your ex-girlfriends to get together and trash you in a public forum, in front of all of your future girlfriends.

The only kind of men to whom this kind of attention-whoring is going to have a particular allure are the Hopelessly Desperate Gamma and the Womanizing Wolf Alpha.  The former because he honestly thinks that he'll get decent dating advice and constructive criticism from women, and the latter because for the right kind of dude this is essentially a way to herd pussy in his direction.

Essentially, any man who appears on the site has self-selected himself out of the "intelligent and socially adept" category . . . or is using the site so cynically that the prospect of a negative review isn't damning to him. We all know just how panty-dampening evidence that you're a "bad boy" can be to a certain kind of woman, and a Wolf Alpha would have no compunctions about playing that up to get the flag.  Lulu makes that ridiculously easy.

But what normal guy in their right mind is going to want his future dates to know that much about him?  The article linked shows just how brutal the result can be, when one user began listing her date's hashtags to him . . . during their date. He's quoted as calling it "awkward", but somehow I think he was being polite.  Any woman who would do such a thing is CLEARLY not LTR potential.  She has self-selected into the "untrustworthy" category.

Indeed, finding out a woman has a account should be a very large and clear RED FLAG about the kind of hassle you can expect to have dating her.   Busting her publicly and nastily for such tactics is recommended.  If she has that kind of temerity, punish her for the blatant disrespect she clearly has for all masculinity.  We're not the ones who coined the term "combat dating", after all.

The men on Lulu are rated on the traditional 10-point scale, in this case wildly subjective.  The exact nature of the algorithm Lulu uses to "rate" the men is a secret, according to the article, and men can add their own comments and hashtags to the site . . . but those are not factored into the rating.  Once again . . . men don't count.

Now, just for a moment, imagine turning this around . . .

Introducing Mumu, the (currently fictitious) information-sharing network about women!  Put up your ex-girlfriend, fill out her profile, and let the world know if she's batshit nuts, overly hypergamous, or merely a lousy lay!  Allow her other exes to pile on by adding hashtags like:


You get the picture.

Turn it around and put women on the, ahem, pedestal, and suddenly the whole idea looks stragely "misogynistic".  The outcry from wounded women would be audible across the continent as the FSM reacted to the site.  Because when it comes to accountability and holding themselves to a higher standard, a case can be made that women in aggregate tend to flee such awkward moments.  Make your own observations and draw your own conclusions about that, of course.

Alexandra Chong, founder of Lulu, has wittingly or unwittingly opened her "private network" to innumerable slander lawsuits, I'd say.  She points out that any man can have his profile removed at any time with a simple email.  Supposedly, she's merely trying to "unleash the value of girl talk and to empower girls to make smarter decisions on topics ranging from relationships to beauty and health.".  Just a little harmless gossipy grlpower, but you can bet the focus isn't on lip gloss.  It's on trashing men in a public setting for their own amusement and supposed edification.  Ms, Chong just wants to give the ladies a chance rat out the losers.

Of course, she does so without any hint of consideration for the men in question.  Just wait until the first heartsick Omega lights himself on fire because of a bad date review, and I think this concept will get a serious re-think.

My advice: every man who reads this should hesitate completely before considering putting his profile on the site, and those who have started accounts should have them immediately removed.  

The rest of us should just saturate the site with false information and such until it becomes useless - or, merely a tool of disinformation that could add to your Game.  Suggested responses if a woman asks if you have a Lulu account:

"So, you're one of those stalker types?" as you back away slowly.

"Yes, and three quarters of those reviews are ones I wrote through sockpuppets.  Try to figure out which ones are mine."  Leave sadly shaking your head.

"No.  I have more self-respect than that.  And if you have an account, that's a dealbreaker."

"What, are you in High School or something?  I only date big girls.  Seeya." Leave in disgust.

"I have three.  Which one did you see?"

Every man should beware of a dude who has an account on the site.  He's either a total Alpha player or a total Gamma loser.  Either way, he's likely not to be trusted. So spread the word, and if you do have an account, pull the freakin' plug soonest.

Registering for is also likely bad for your career.  Facebook and Twitter accounts are now fair game for employers to search, among other services.  Do you want your new boss hearing about how you leave the toilet seat up and are "#afraidtocommit"?  No, of course not.  That's like bringing your ex along on your job interview.

Not only does it pose a threat to the professional ambitions and reputations of those misguided men who consent to allow themselves to be brutalized - would you really hire a man who was willing to let his exes savage him in public like that? - it denigrates all men.   The whole purpose of the site is to find reasons to reject guys, not accept them.  When you play along with something like that, you might as well be wearing a Gammarabbit t-shirt and a big fat red L on your forehead.

This kind of blatant, misandrist, anti-male website needs to be countered on general principal.  Or met in kind.  So spread the word, and don't let this misandrist BS thrive.

(What other hashtags would you like to see on

LATE ADDITION: I was curious what the response was to this site over at Huffpo, the progressive bastion, and was relieved to see that most of the comments were decidedly negative, and not all from disgusted men.  Check it out if you can stand the scalzied perspective.

But if you needed any additional reason to shun this "service", here it is from the female progressive commentor's mouth:

"Guys. If any female that you are with or potentially want to be with uses this app, it will end badly. She is actually 12 and this is the 2013 version of passing a note in homeroom."

So . . . account = immature female flakiness AND attention whoring, Gamma male style.  

You should not date any woman who has an account or reviewed a man there . . . and if you find out one does, make sure that all of your dude-friends know to steer clear.  And make sure all of your female friends know just how tacky you think this kind of blanket misandrist character assassination is.